


Little Lauren, You're a Diamond In the Rough

by Lexys23



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Gen, Self Harm, Song fic, Suicide, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23646823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexys23/pseuds/Lexys23
Summary: All your friends they wanna drink cause it's your birthdayBut you've been drinking straight probably since last ThursdayDrinking is the only thing that makes you feel just okay
Kudos: 1





	Little Lauren, You're a Diamond In the Rough

**Author's Note:**

> This story is Lauren-Centric, but the other girls make appearances.
> 
> I like this group, and I just got their new EP and this song came out and I just had to write to it.
> 
> Trigger Warning. (I know how much you guys love these.)

_She can barely see the pavement  
_ _She can barely read the signs  
_ _People think she's complicated  
_ _But never wanna look inside  
_ _Cause she's a little too R-rated  
_ _And they're a little too damn blind  
_ _She's just looking for her angels  
_ _But they're a little hard to find  
_ Sara - We Three

* * *

Deep breath.

In.

Out.

Lauren sat on her bed, alone. Her eyes on her hands, the sleeves of her shirt pulled over her thumbs, thinking about what was underneath them. Of how her skin was a tell of her worth.

She clenched her teeth, keeping the tears at bay. She took a deep breath, pushing herself up from her bed.

She knelt down next to her bed and dragged a box out from under it. She stared at the close lid. She let out a trembling breath, before her fingers gently touched the ends of the lid, ready to open the box, when there was a knock on the door.

She quickly shoved the box under her bed and stood up. She took two breaths before walking to her door and opened it, slapping a smile on her face. Her best friends stood there, party hats on top of their heads.

_Happy birthday!_

Lauren gave them a huge grin, nodding her head. She allowed Dinah to place a hat on her head. Camila and Ally each grabbed a hand and dragged her out the room.

She could feel the base of the music, as she was dragged to the backyard, where all the people were hanging out.

She smiled at the people around her as she walked by. Her friends quickly vanished, leaving Lauren standing alone. She looked at all the people around her, all of them laughing and dancing and drinking. She took a deep breath, feeling as if no one was around her.

Lauren thought back to the box. The cold feeling the gun gave her. The warmth the bullets made her feel.

Normani appeared in front of her and Lauren smiled. The taller girl pulled her over to the dance floor. The two danced, the younger girl laughing.

She smiled and laughed. Raised her cup filled with liqueur, thinking of all the empty bottles in the closet that had been piling up since Thursday.

She allowed for the burn in the throat, the fog in her head, the haze in her eyes. Anything to forget about the gun. To keep her hands off the box. To keep her fingers from pulling the trigger.

She look a deep breath, trying to keep her thoughts at bay. She tried to think about how happy she was, about the people around her. The people who love her. But all she could think about was how lonely she felt. How replaceable, how she wasn't enough.

Her eyes looked at the clear liquid in her cup, before downing it in one go, closing her eyes as she felt it burn. She opened her eyes, feeling so far, so lost in her own head.

-

Lauren shoved her hands into her pockets, waiting. She closed her eyes, trying not to think of how she had to go to school. She knew she missed enough to worry her friends, and she was waiting for their texts, calls, visits for questions about why.

And they had noticed how her smiles had become rare. How she always had a look on her face. Of how she was sadder than usual.

Lauren looked over, seeing the person she wanted to see. She reached into her back pocket and took out the cash she had. The guy in front of her asked her, _This is your third buy this week._

Lauren shrugged and placed the money in his hand. She grabbed the bag of green and turned, her phone vibrating. She looked at her phone, seeing the messages. She stared at the message, her fingers itching to tell them. To say something, but she just shoved her phone into her pocket, knowing they wouldn't get it. They'd judge her for it. She walked straight to her home, seeing a note from her mother telling her that she'd be home late.

Lauren went to her room, quickly dumped the items on her desk and sat down.

Saturday passes, and nothing changes.

Sunday, she lays on her bed, staring at the ceiling, blunt in her finger.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, it all passes the same.

Friday, her friends are around her room, the blunt being passed around.

_Are you okay?_

Lauren looks at Ally, her mouth opened, knowing what she says.

She maintains when contact with her as the words leave her mouth.

_I'm fine._

She stands and goes to her night stand, grabbing the lighter.

-

Lauren stared at her reflection, circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep she got the night before. She looked at herself, trying to think of what made her happy, of what made her _feel_ , but she barely came up with two to three reasons.

She grabbed her pen and her notebook. She took a deep breath and wrote.

And wrote.

And wrote.

She released everything. Wrote about everything.

As to why she had to leave.

She looked at the clock.

6:14.

She turned to her notepad, her eyes unable to read a single word.

Her phone was ringing on the ground, but she paid it no mind. She couldn't hear it. She couldn't feel it vibrate on the ground.

She couldn't feel anything.

6:15

She was on her knees, trying to breathe. She stared at the blood soaking her sleeves. She tried to take a deep breath, but was unable to find the air.

Her eyes started to water. Her body was trembling. She blinked once, twice, thrice, trying to remember what was happening.

6:23

Her vision came back, for just a second. She looked at the bodies around her, their knees dark from the blood pooled on the ground.

Her vision started to fade, but she could still hear. The muffled sounds. For a second she wondered if she was underwater.

_Please Jesus! Let her breath! Please._

Lauren knew in that moment that they could finally see her. See what was happening in front of them, underneath her sleeves.

But it was just too late.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything sad in a while, how was this?


End file.
